I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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