Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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