I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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