you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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