I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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