just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
