I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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