How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
