I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Randomize