matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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