I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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