i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
