the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
