Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
