what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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