Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize