why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
