I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
