Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
