hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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