it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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