I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
