you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
