plz talk dirty to me
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
