cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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