I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
