Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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