Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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