oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
