yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We just shotgunned beers for America
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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