omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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