If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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