I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
