i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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