my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm always down for nudity.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
