im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
