NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
