You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
