Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i think i have two assholes
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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