Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
