I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
