fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize