If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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