Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
