just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
