Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
