Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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