you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
