Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
