Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
