I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My pussy is not your playground.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
