yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize