His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i was born a porn star she said
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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