i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
