Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
