So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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