1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
