At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
