Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
