im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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