The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
